Hope Within Family Dysfunction
Growing up, my mom always put code names on our Christmas presents so we wouldn’t know which ones belonged to us. In the days leading up to Christmas, we’d carefully study the packages and their labels, committing them to memory so that we’d know which ones were ours after she’d tucked us in and revealed our secret identities on Christmas Eve. I was always too excited to sleep after that—waiting with bated breath for the sun to rise on Christmas morning.
Now that I’m a mom with kids of my own, I still hold my breath at Christmastime—not as much in anticipation, but in apprehension. The little girl who once eagerly jumped out of bed to join her family on Christmas morning would have never imagined how sin and death would one day disrupt her family gatherings. She didn’t yet know the pain of family dysfunction. But now she does. Maybe you do too.
Perhaps you’re familiar with that feeling of holding your breath. Just the thought of gathering with family makes your chest start to tighten and your throat begin to close. You know the sting of rejection, the bite of criticism, the ache of strained relationships, or the agony of abuse. Whatever your family struggles may be, I’m so sorry, sister. I wish I could wrap my arms around you and remind you to breathe. But thankfully there is one who is even more intimately acquainted with your pain: Jesus Christ, the Prince of Peace. And he is near.
Jesus knows breathlessness. He was mocked and beaten, scorned and rejected by the very people he loved. God the Father turned his face away as he suffocated his Son with wrath from above (Hab. 1:3). While Jesus hung on the cross for our sins, he labored for each and every breath. And with his dying breath, he spoke the words that give us life. “It is finished,” he said, bowing his head and giving up his spirit (John 19:30).
The Prince of Peace died for our sins so that we could have peace with God. He willingly gave his life so that we could sit at God’s table and be a part of his family—drinking not from the goblet of wrath but from a cup that overflows with God’s favor. No matter what happens at our family gatherings this Christmas, we can breathe easier knowing we are no longer enemies of God but his beloved daughters. Of course, this truth won’t erase the pain or discomfort we might experience at our own family dinner tables, but it should give us hope and breath to endure it.
The Prince of Peace also helps us to act in a Christlike manner towards our family members. As Christians, we’re called to follow Christ’s example as peacemakers—to “live peaceably with all,” as far as it depends on us (Rom. 12:18). That can feel like a daunting task when we’re trying to do it in our own strength, but the same Prince of Peace who saved us also equips us to make peace with others. We don’t have to manufacture this peace ourselves. The Bible says that the Lord of peace will give us all the peace we need (2 Thess. 3:16).
Sadly, peace with our families isn’t always possible because relationships don’t only depend on us. There may be times when family members are unwilling to repent or change, and we may have to set up healthy boundaries, speak truth in love, or even remove ourselves from holiday gatherings entirely. As heart-wrenching as these situations may be, we are not without hope. When we feel like we can’t catch our breath, we can turn our eyes to Jesus who has promised to keep us in perfect peace as our minds are stayed on him (Is. 26:3). Like armor in a battle, this peace transcends all understanding and guards our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus (Phil. 4:6–7).
There’s a present under the Christmas tree with your name on it, mama—and rest assured, there’s no guesswork with God! He has called you his child, and so you are (1 John 3:1). As God spoke through the prophet Ezekiel, so he speaks to his children today: “Behold, I will … put breath in you, and you shall live, and you shall know that I am the LORD” (Ezek. 37:5–6). There is hope for you in family dysfunction, dear one. The gift of peace is yours in Christ, so take a deep breath, look up, and receive it with joy.
QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION/ APPLICATION:
Do you feel like you’re holding your breath as you head into the holidays? What situations or relationships make you feel unsettled?
How can looking to Jesus and receiving his perfect peace help you breathe this Christmas season?
Take a few minutes to pray for your family today. Ask the Prince of Peace to give you the peace you need to interact with your family over the coming weeks.
This devotional was originally published in an Advent series by Gentle Leading on December 6, 2019.